I went back to the studio, to the subjectivity, with all this information and I started comparing my timeline with other timelines and with what for example Dr. Peter Levine stated as common symptoms. I found parallel emotions and states that seemed to be directly related to dealing with trauma. On the one hand it was nice to understand, on the other hand it was very frustrating and confusing as to “who would I be without this?” “Am I not already without this?” In a lot of the reportages and documentaries I saw, we follow a person telling their story without telling much more about them. Often this creates a narrative only revolving around this one abuse. The person is portrayed as a victim: maybe we like to see that, or be that? I am not quite sure. I started to feel more and more frustrated with this victimisation and the narratives created, especially of women who are sexually abused. And I remembered that in my talk with Marieke, we spoke of this problem, she told me how important she finds, from her perspective as a social worker, it is to provide perspective and not define people by what has happened to them, to offer treatment, alongside concrete solutions. She told me that she for example does not call the women “the abused” or “the victim,” but rather “the affected.”
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